5 Tips To Help You Connect to Yourself Daily

For years, I had a daily routine that completely zapped my energy.

For starters, I was waking up at 5am. With all my great intentions to start the day off on a positive note, I was really just going through the motions.

Roll out of bed.
Put workout clothes on.
Drive to gym.
Exercise. 
Shower.
Eat breakfast on the go.
Work.
Work.
And more work.
Drive home.
Make dinner.
Work.
Sleep.

Nowhere in that routine was real, authentic time for myself.

Even my attempt to start the day off with some exercise did not feel like loving, nourishing time for myself because hello, 5am! I was tired.

Weeknights I had zero energy to talk with my friends or even stay awake long enough to get through a movie with my husband. By Friday, while most of my friends were kicking off the weekend with happy hour, I was grateful for a night in where I could get to bed early and actually sleep in the following day.

Do you have days, too, where you feel utterly and completely wiped?

I remember the feeling of complete energy depletion, but I also know that it doesn’t have to be this way. There are some very helpful things you can do (some right now, and some over time) that will greatly improve your overall quality of life and energy levels.

Here are my top 5 tips to help you connect to yourself daily:

1.  Know your options.

For starters, we have to recognize what we have control over. It can feel like we are stuck in the routine we presently have and that there are no other options. However, if you really take an honest look at your day, you will likely see how you are making choices throughout the day that are ultimately leading to your feelings of energy depletion. Are you saying yes to everything asked of you? Are you choosing to do more work than required? We have to get honest with ourselves and evaluate the options that are presented to us throughout the day and how our choices effect us. Doing so will help you see how you can start saying no and setting some personal boundaries to create more time for you.

2. Radically accept.

It’s a term I learned years ago when I read Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach. The idea behind it is that you choose to radically accept what is outside of your control. When it comes to your current daily routine, there may be circumstances that really are outside of your control right now. It could be caring for others, or possibly the realization that your career may not provide you with the freedom you really crave for your life. Whatever your things are, imagine yourself embracing them just as they are, without trying to change or fix them. And while you are at, give yourself some compassion for doing so.

3. Say your mantras.

I sometimes forget how incredibly helpful mantras are. Mantras help us get in the right headspace. When we are tired and feeling drained, our self-talk becomes more critical than ever in giving us a boost. Some of my favorites are: I create all the love and positivity I need. I take care of my mind, body, and heart. My body deserves rest.

4. Restart how you start.

How are you starting your day? Is it anything like my former daily routine? If so, join me in restarting how you start your day. If we start our day in a rush, that energy is likely going to carry on with us throughout the day. Create a short, simple routine that helps you pause and slow things down a bit so that you can check in with yourself and create some intentions for how you want to be throughout your day. Identify 1-3 things you wish you were doing first thing in the morning and then figure out a way to work them in. It can be as simple as stating a few things you are grateful for, or writing out a few intention words to help ground you for the day. I have written some posts on this topic that you can check out here and here.

5. Infuse love.

This one is my absolute favorite. Many times we are left feeling low about our daily routine because we realize we simply aren’t doing anything for ourselves. This is where I want you to make yourself a priority. What do you love to do? What do you want to do? Spend a few moments after reading this to really give yourself permission to write out the things you wish you could do during the day. Maybe it would just light you up to be able to go home after work and completely unwind. What do you need to say no to in order to make this happen? Or maybe you want to have the energy to read a book at night? Again, what do you have to stop doing to make the space for this? The idea is to give yourself permission to get all your wants down on paper, and then get really honest with yourself about how you can make it happen.

In the words of one of my favorite online mentors Marie Forleo, “everything is figureoutable!”

Trust yourself. You’ve got this.

One of the things I always try to remember is that life is so short. We only get one shot at all this, so why go through the motions of life tired, drained, or unhappy? We deserve to live our best days. You deserve to live your best days. If something doesn’t feel right, remember you are a woman who figures things out. You can change it

From foster care to self-care: An inside look at what it is like growing up in the system

As many of you know, I grew up in foster care. (Want to hear my story? Listen here.)

It is National Foster Care Month.

Today, I am reflecting on all the things growing up in the system has taught me when it comes to self-care. At the age of 13, I lived in and out of foster homes until I aged out of the system at 18. It literally transformed my life. Sure there were plenty of highs and lows along the way, but the years that followed once I was taken away from my mom left an imprint on my life like no other.

Something that I have learned from my years growing up in foster care is just how vital it is to take care of ourselves. When we prioritize our self-care, when we believe in our worth, and when we believe we are deserving of the life we want for ourselves, so much is possible. My experience in foster care has shaped the work I do with people now- and if there is any one thing I can help inspire you today my friend, it is that you are so worthy of your own care too.

To celebrate National Foster Care Month, I invited a dear friend of mine named Brandon Johnson to come on First + Foremost to share his story. Brandon talks about his experience growing up in the system and overcoming a childhood filled with drugs, gangs and violence. He is a warrior, my friends! He has seen more than many people will in their entire lifetime and today he shares his journey of thriving and making a beautiful life for himself after all he has been through. Be sure to give episode 42 a listen!

My Top 5 Self-Love Activities

I don't know about you, but this time of year things can be, well... dreary.

Everything just seems to have slowed down. It's cold outside. The sun is shining much less. 

You feel me?

This is exactly why NOW is the time to check in with your self-love things.

You know... the things you do that make you feel the most connected to yourself. The things that remind you that you are a being worth loving and caring for. The things that make you feel human and whole and real.

Today I am sharing my very own self-love things with you in hopes that you may be inspired to reflect on your very own.

Here are my top 5 self-love Activities!

1. The mirror exercise.

   This one is probably the absolute hardest, but one of the most profound ways to reconnect with your inner self-love. Here’s how you do it: Stand in front of a mirror. You can start with your clothes on, but the best way to do this exercise is in your underwear or naked. Stand there, and lovingly notice the parts of your body that you see. Challenge yourself to say something loving about the parts you find yourself ridiculing in the mirror. Think about what that part of your body does for you. Thank your body for being there for you.

2. Daily gratitude.

   The way you do this exercise is simple. You can do it quietly in your mind while you are getting ready for the day. Simply state 1-3 things that you are profoundly grateful for within yourself. What about yourself do you love dearly? What are you grateful for physically? What have you done recently that you can celebrate and love on?

3. Putting on lotion mindfully.

   This activity is meant to be a self-love exercise for when you are needing to reconnect with yourself physically. Put lotion on slowly and intentionally after taking a shower. I love to sit down for this one and notice the various parts of my physical being that I am grateful for. Celebrate your toes. Your legs. Your thighs. Your tummy. As you rub lotion on various parts of your body, honor the very vessel that you are in that allows you to experience life.

4. Letter to self in 5 years.

   When you are having a really tough time in life, this exercise can be powerful in giving yourself permission to be exactly where you are at right now, and to still be loved for it. Sit down and grab a pen and paper and write a letter to the you in 5 years time. You will write two letters to yourself in this activity. One letter is to the you in 5 years that has changed in a positive way, living life aligned the way you most want for yourself. The other letter is to the you in 5 years who is still doing the same behaviors. The idea is that both exercises create space for you to reflect on where you at. After writing, try to sink in the feelings you have for the YOU you most want to be in 5 years time.

5. Journal writing.

   This is a daily exercise of self-love where you create space to be with yourself and your thoughts. I love to write in a journal as a way to reflect on life, though some people I know and work with love to have a focus with their writing. A sentence starter like, “Today I learned…” or “Today I am celebrating…” is a great way to be reflective. Personally, I like to just write whatever comes up on my heart!

There you have it! These are my current go-to exercises for self-love that I find to be the most helpful. I hope you sink into this cold weather season with rhythms that give you comfort and remind you that you are so very loved.

Want to feel your very best this season? Read this.

As I write you this note, it is snowing outside my window, and I couldn't love it more.

There is something so beautiful and serene about snow. Some people I know are not such big fans of the cold weather change. For me, I try to relish and celebrate it.
Another season unfolding. Another time shift. Another period for renewal.

Whether you are a fan of snow or not, my nudge to you is this:

How can you simply notice what is there?

How can you bring some love and celebration towards it?

How can you notice it for what it is- neither good nor bad?

Then let's apply this same idea to other areas of your life that you may feel a certain way about.

Maybe you are not looking forward to seeing a certain someone over the holidays.

Maybe you are feeling anxious about an event coming up.

Maybe you are worried about overeating during the holidays.

No matter what is it, my hope for you as we settle into this new season is to remember this very profound truth:

What we perceive and think leads to our emotional state.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Our thoughts effect how we show up in the moments of our lives.

If you think that "snow is awful" you are likely to going to start your day immediately in a negative state, feeling down and sad that it is snowing. When we have a thought like that, it leads to negative emotion, and negative emotion creates a negative reaction within us.

The good news is that you do not have to be stuck in this place. Noticing the fact that you are even having these thoughts is celebration #1! Most people are not aware they are thinking these thoughts in the first place (and my friend, I am no exception here, as there was a time in my life I was completely lost in my thoughts!).

When you catch yourself noticing the thought, and after you've celebrated that you have noticed it in your mind, take a moment, and ask yourself this:

How can I think differently about this thought to create a different emotional state for myself?

So, going back to our snow example, I might say to myself, "It's snowing. When I look at it, it's actually quite beautiful." Noticing something about snow I actually do like creates a different emotional state for me. I feel more at peace. I feel less effected and impacted by it's mere presence.

I know I gave you a small, minor example with snow. I chose snow because I hear so many people this time of year posting about how they hate this time of year. I get it. It's cold out, friends.

But at the same time, we must be careful with our thoughts. Our thoughts are the very baseline of how we go about feeling and reacting throughout our day.

So with the simple example of snow, I hope you can notice how even the most mundane thoughts can totally impact our emotional state! And of course, with bigger, more serious situations, our thoughts operate in the very same way.

We have a thought.
The thought creates a feeling.
The feeling creates a reaction.

And my friend, how you show up in this world is very much a direct result of whatever you were thinking in the first place.

So today, my nudge to you is to practice with snow.

And from there, start celebrating any other thoughts you have that you may notice. You deserve to feel your very best feels day in and day out.

I'm sending you giant love.

Top 10 Self-Care Things for Fall

It's fall and I am over here soaking up the chillier temps of my all-time favorite season (you too!?). There is just something about this time of year that calls for all things cozy and with that, I want to share with you 10 of my favorite ways to savor the season through self-care. 

1. Warm drinks.

   My favorite and current go-to while being pregnant is a decaf latte or a decaf pumpkin spice latte with one pump of syrup. Whether you are a coffee or tea drinker, this is the perfect time of year to enjoy a hot drink to warm you up!

2. Long, carefree morning walks.

   There is something about a casual stroll during this season that just doesn’t compare to other times of the year. The crisp cool air calls to be enjoyed with a long, casual walk.

3. Scenic drives.

   This is one of my favorite fall-time activities to admire the changing leaves. I love being mindful while out in nature and there is just so much beauty this time of year with the myriad of colorful leaves.

4. Pumpkins!

   Over the weekend we picked up a few pumpkins and decorated the inside of our house and our front porch with them. I love the little pops of orange throughout that remind me of the changing season.

5. Autumn scents.

   This one is big for me because I try to avoid synthetic fragrances, and yet I just LOVE fall smells! So what is a girl to do? Pine cones are one of my favorite ways to get that earthy, autumn smell naturally.

6. Sweaters.

   I love cozying up with a comfy sweater during this time of year. Currently, all of my hoodies and sweaters are nicely stretched out with my growing baby bump!

7. Mums.

   From pops of yellow to deep burgundy, mums have quickly become my favorite fall flower. They are easy to maintain, they smell lovely, and offer up the most perfect shades of autumn colors.

8. A chilling thriller to read.

   The book club that I am part of recently read the book, Behind Her Eyes by Sarah Pinborough. This book really got me back into reading just for the joy of it.

9. Snuggles.

   From your furry friend to your partner to your little ones (if you have them!) fall time just begs for some good old skin to skin. :)

10. Coffee dates.

    I love seizing this time of year to meet up with my favorite gals for some 1:1 quality life chats. Spending time together with your closest people while enjoying a warm drink sometimes feels like the hug you didn’t know you needed.
    

So there you have it! While every time is a great time to dig into some quality self-care, I wanted to share with you today some of my current go-to things to help inspire your very own list of self-care things throughout the season. My nudge to you is to pick one or two items on my list (or your own!) that you can commit to doing this month. Take time out for you to really be present in whatever it is, and to label it as part of your self-care. I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the intentional practice of caring for ourselves- of making it speakable (even if just in our minds) that we are worthy of our own care.