Here's Your Self-Love Reminder

What if today were the day you decided to radically accept yourself, complete flaws and all?
What if today were the day you decided to radically accept your past as your past?
What if today were the day you decided to radically accept that you are worthy of your own love?

These are the questions I want to send toward your consciousness.

Radical Acceptance is a term I learned years ago by the lovely author Tara Brach. She describes it as “clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind, and loving heart.”

We can be so hard on ourselves.

We can riddle ourselves with shame stories around the things we have done or continue to do that we are not proud of. We send ourselves into a whirlwind of guilt and frustration ruminating over and over again about the qualities we so deeply hate, the very same qualities that make us human.

We can notice what we want to change while maintaining an open heart of love towards what is currently there. The part within that feels so very broken still deserves love too.

This is radical self-love.

Choosing to love the part of you that feels unlovable.

To get where we want to be, we have to accept who we are right now.

We have to honor that we are worthy in the body we are in, in the flaws we inhibit, in the shortcomings we perceive. We are worthy of our own love.

Today I write this to you, hoping that you can find a way to love on and accept all of your parts. That while you grow into the person you so wish to be, that you are gentle and loving towards the part of you that may struggle from time to time, that may need to be reminded that she is still innately worth loving too.

Right now in this very moment.

How to push past your self-doubt (finally!)

Self-doubt.

We all know it.

Sometimes it shows up when we are about to post a photo to our Instagram.
I have nothing good to say about this picture.

Sometimes it shows up when we are about to write a newsletter or blog post.
I can’t think of anything to write.

And sometimes it shows up when something good happens to us (we get a new inquiry or lead, somebody says yes, or wants to work with us).
They probably aren’t going to stick around long or want to work with me.

Sound familiar? (Ohhh yes.)

These are the sneaky little statements that oftentimes interject themselves right into our thought stream. If they go undetected they have the potential to derail us from moving forward and going on towards the thing that we are really wanting.

Like the Instagram tribe. Or showing up frequently and regularly for our people via our blog or newsletter. And clients! Yes the clients!

But I want to tell you a little something, something my friend.

You are a savvy business owner. Yes, you. Whether you are just getting started or are a few years in, that savvy business owner is already present within you. Can we agree right here and now to make this the year where you decide to stop letting self-doubt get in your way?

Really. I want you to make a pact with yourself right now in this moment that you are not going to let your inner fear girl run the show.

Your fear girl is that voice inside that is scared. She is afraid of you failing. She is afraid of you embarrassing yourself. She is afraid of getting hurt.

And instead of getting angry that she has been running the show in the first place… let’s love on her. Let’s talk back to her kindly and with compassion and tell her this:

"Thank you very much for trying to protect me. I know that you are just looking out for me. But I got it from here. I trust that whatever is on the other side of fear is worth finding out. I got it from here."

This voice right here is love. SELF-LOVE. It is that part of you deep down that believes in you more than anyone. It is that part that totally has your back and, like your fear girl, is working to protect you. The major difference is that she believes and trusts that YOU GOT THIS. That you are somebody who figures things out.

And you are somebody who figures things out my friend.

I’m sending you waves of love as you make 2018 your best year yet- as you make this the year where you start noticing your self-doubt arise, and tell her that it is okay.

You got it from here.

3 Tips to Push Past Fear

Fear.

It is the thing that oftentimes stops us in our tracks and keeps us from being where we want to be. It is the thing that feels suffocating at times, telling us we are not good enough. It is the thing that keeps us right where we are at, with the threat of never finding our true potential.

That is, if we keep on listening to it… 

What if today is the day you decide to stop letting fear lead you? What if you decide today to start paying attention to when fear shows up and instead push past it and go after what you want most?

Are you ready? Okay, let's get to it. 

1.  Create a mantra/ affirmation/ badassery reminder that you are amazing.
The next time you hear fear talking to you, come equipped to talk back (kindly of course!) with an empowering, fear-conquering, confidence-boosting statement to stop fear in its tracks. Try something like, "I take chances because I am worthy of knowing the reward."

2.  Ask yourself this critical question: what will your life be like if you keep listening to fear?
This question right here is the one that always reminds me that I will stay exactly where I am if I keep listening to my fear. I want to go places, thank you very much! How about you? Where do YOU want to go in YOUR life? What will happen if you keep listening to fear?

3.  Remind yourself that everyone, every single person, starts somewhere. Including you.
If you find that a lot of your fear is rooted in self-doubt, likely from comparing yourself to others, or not feeling good enough, remind yourself that every single person started somewhere where they once were at the very beginning. It takes a series of baby steps to push past fear and put ourselves out there to get where we really want to be. We all start somewhere. The key word, is start.

Pssst.. Was this note helpful today? If you want more, and are into all things self-love and self-care, let's get you on my email list, love! Think: weekly nudges and inspo, that are short and sweet and sent with love, delivered straight to your inbox. You can get in, right here!

7 Steps to Start Fostering Love Now

It's May. And that means it is also National Foster Care Month. 

Foster care holds a very special place in my heart because I myself was a foster child from the time I was 13. Each family I lived with had their own way of doing things, and I learned very quickly how to adapt, not stand out, blend in, and acclimate to my new families. I also learned early on how to be my own advocate, how to take care of myself, save money, and become my own support system. There were moments in each home I felt glimpses of nurture and love, and there were often many times I felt like an imposter, like someone who did not really belong.

The greatest thing I learned being in foster care was ultimately that I am somebody who can stand tall on my own two feet despite the challenges life tossed along the way. I learned that I can have the kind of life I want and crave for myself by believing in it enough and paving a way to make it happen. I also learned that all the stability and love I need, I ultimately provide for myself.

When you look up the word "foster," it means to encourage or promote the development of. Throughout May, as we recognize National Foster Care Month, I ask that you join me in fostering love. Whichever aligns best with where you are at in your life right now, here are some ideas to help you get started so you too can foster love this month:

1. YOU. Yes, you! Foster yourself. We are our best selves when we nourish and love from within, first and foremost. What is one think you can encourage, or support the development of within yourself this month?

2. A child. Whether it's working with a child one-on-one to facilitate their growth and learning, volunteering in some way to give back to kids (my favorite organization is CASA), or the BIG one- actually fostering a child if you have the means and are in a place in your life where it feels right.

3. Those who are experiencing mental health conditions. National Mental Health Awareness month also happens to fall in May. It's a great time to pledge solidarity with friends, family, and even strangers who are living through tough challenges with mental health. The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers a ton of ways you can show your support and that you are #IntoMentalHealth.

4. Animals. Because they need love too! Check your local area for fostering opportunities with pets. I have several friends who fostered pups before adopting them. If allergies aren't a problem, and you have loads of love (and patience!) to share with an animal friend, this could be for you!

5. Plants. By far the simplest way we can support the development of another living thing is by taking care of plants. They are also one of the best reminders to care for ourselves (hey, we need sunshine and water too!)

6. Your community. From recycling to picking up the trash along your street, there are tons of ways you can chip in around where you live. It could even be as simple as joining Next Door, an online social community, where you can make the town you live in a better (and safer) place!

7. Those who need our help! From people living with intellectual and developmental disabilities to those who are homeless, there are many ways we can help. Find an organization in your area that speaks to the cause you are most passionate about and get involved. My favorites are Best Buddies and local soup kitchens.

So, are you in? Will you be joining me this month in fostering love? If you're on Instagram, share your efforts by posting your pictures using the hashtag #fosterlove. Please let me know if you have other ideas for fostering love that are not on my list by replying to me here, or leaving a comment over on Instagram. 

How to BFF Your Inner-Critic

I had a really important conversation with a coaching client recently. She shared how growing up, she constantly heard messages from her mom and sister about how unhappy they were with their bodies. The comments went a little something like:

Why did I eat that?

Look at this chub (while pinching their stomach)

I'm going to gain weight if I keep eating like this

I better go to the gym and burn this off (as they eat a piece of pizza)

I hate the way my nose looks

And the list goes on.

My heart broke a little as she shared this with me because I know we all know someone in our lives who says these very types of comments.  If you're like me, that someone may have been, or might be yourself.

In my late teens, I was surrounded by women who nagged at their bodies, complained about their weight, and even at times, commented on my own. Later, in my early twenties, these kind of behaviors quickly became a part of how I perceived and interacted with my own body.

Self-care was not something I practiced, nor even knew about. I rode the wave of my life in unaware motions and the relationship I had with my body was a very unhealthy one. The comments above were part of a very mean, inner-dialogue that truthfully, I had no idea even existed.

It was not until I started practicing mindfulness. Learning tools to create more self-awareness allowed me to start observing what was being said in my mind- and it was not very nice.

We have enough going on around us in our lives, and when we adopt an inner dialogue that is mean and negative, we become our worst critic. I knew I would never in a million years talk to a friend the way I was talking to myself. Let's play out the comments from above for a minute as if they were said to a friend.  

Why did you eat that?

Look at your chub

You're going to gain weight if you keep eating like that

You better go to the gym and burn off that pizza

I hate the way your nose looks

Just typing these in reverse makes me mad! I cannot imagine ever saying these kinds of things to anyone. For that reason, when I hear other women I am with critiquing the way their bodies look, or ridiculing themselves for eating (for eating!!!), or judging another woman's body shape, I challenge myself to say something. I do not want to be somebody who quietly observes these situations and sits back and watches. It is not genuine or authentic bonding and camaraderie. 

If you are finding yourself in a situation where you hear comments like these from the people you are with, or are realizing that your inner dialogue is quite similar, you can do something to change it. While you cannot change another person’s beliefs, you can speak up and offer up your own views as another perspective. Give them something kinder to think about.

Ready to BFF your inner-critic? Try these two activities below now.

Journal exercise: Go back to the negative comments list and write out what you would say for each comment if a friend said them to you. 

Bonus: Actually say them out loud next time you hear them in real-time; whether to someone else, or kindly back to yourself.