The Real Reason You Need a Morning Routine

It’s easy to go through the motions. I get it. I used to go through them quite rapidly myself, zombie-like (literally, from waking up at 5am daily) and moving from task to task, only to end the day completely tired and wiped out.

Shifting from this place of constant movement meant one thing—slowing down.

It was not easy at first. Initially, I would have told you that I had zero moments of time that were purely mine at work. I was a 5th grade teacher, and any educator can tell you that time solo is not really part of our vocabulary! However, when I sat back and really thought about how I was spending my time, I realized that I could free up some moments just for myself. 

I started small. I looked for the little pockets of time that were purely mine and I decided to use them intentionally. My plan? When I got to work, I made sure I closed my door, and set aside 5-10 minutes of quiet time by myself, uninterrupted, so that I could take a few mindful moments to appreciate my life, set some intentions for the day, and get in the right headspace not only for me, but for my students and colleagues too. For a while, I felt anti-social during those 5 minutes with my door closed. But you know what? After getting in the habit of practicing my new morning routine, I started to notice how much more at peace I felt despite the constant moving parts of my day. 

This is where the real power of a morning routine lays. It creates a space of calm. It brings our internal state to neutral, and allows our energy to shift to positive. 

There is a reason for creating the routine in the morning, too. We want to make sure we are starting our day with a habit that sets us up for success. When we do that thing, it reminds us of how we want to take care of our minds and bodies. We set ourselves up to make choices that align with self-care since we started our day lovingly and peacefully. 

Think about what happens when you stop tending to something. If you stop cleaning your house, dust will collect over time. If you stop adding wood to a campfire, it will eventually stop burning. The same is true when we are creating new habits and routines for ourselves—in order to keep them going, we have to be in a constant state of tending, otherwise they will fall apart. Choosing a regular time in the morning that you can commit to each day to get in the right headspace will help you remain in a constant state of tending. This is how all routines are built, and specifically, why morning routines are so critical.

You want to be a self-tending machine. You have to constantly work at it, and working at it means prioritizing it, no matter the hot mess, lack of time, or constant shuffle that is your life.

How to Start a Mindfulness Practice Now

Last weekend I was with my husband traveling to Portland. As the airplane was about to take off, I felt a moment of panic. I took a deep breath and grabbed my husband’s hand. I noticed the way it felt in mine, I noticed my feet on the floor and I noticed the sensation of the airplane’s wheels beneath us as they rolled and sped up. I looked out the window and noticed the buildings, the road, and the sky. I had a moment of pure noticing exactly what is, and realized that I was safe.

Mindfulness. 

I remember when I was first learning the tools and techniques for a more peaceful me, it felt foreign trying to explain to others what exactly it was—this thing called Mindfulness. Now, google the word and see how many articles and blogs pop up on it! 

This past week a client asked about it. “What’s that thing everyone is talking about? It’s like meditating. Do you think that will help me?” Oh, how mindfulness can and will help you, love.

Mindfulness is a form of meditation, and it’s my preferred way to get into the right headspace. Whether I’m feeling happy, sad, fearful, anxious, or simply going about my day doing ordinary, mundane things, it is the daily practice of presence that grounds me in my life. I know people who happily plop themselves pillows and meditate the good old way most of us probably envision, but the good news is that mindfulness can become a daily practice that is engrained in you as you go about your day, no pillow needed.

It all starts with noticing, with neutral awareness, what you are doing and when you are doing it as you hone in on your senses.

When you are walking outside on a crisp, fall day, you can notice the colorful leaves as they sway and veer slowly to the ground.

The next time you are putting lotion on your hands, notice how it gradually goes from cool to warm as you gently massage it into your skin.

When you are talking to a friend, be truly present in the conversation, noticing and hearing all that she is telling you.

As you are enjoying your morning coffee, pay attention to the warmth of the mug as you hold it in your hands and the way the coffee tastes as you drink it, sip by sip.

These moments are all just tiny examples of mindfulness meditation—a daily practice of intentional presence in your life.

The bonus for living a mindful life? Inner calm and peace, girlfriend. When you get in the habit of noticing, you are really flexing your mind muscle and staying in a place of constant gratitude for exactly what is in your life.

3 Affirmation Words That Changed My Life

Recently I posted one of my all time favorite quotes to Instagram, “You are enough.” With it being flooded all over social media, I knew I needed to explain more, as these 3 simple words have completely changed my life.
 
Several years ago, I was going through one of the hardest times of my life. I was in my mid-twenties and trying to figure it all out. In many ways, the girl who had come out of foster care, been in the most incredible long-term relationship, and landed her dream job as an elementary classroom teacher, had finally “made it.” I had achieved so much of what I had wanted for myself as a young girl. Yet, there was a part of me that was really scared. For so much of my life, I had a plan. I knew where I was going. I knew exactly what I wanted.

Now, here I was, an adult, with many of the things I had always wanted right in front of me, and somehow felt incomplete and less than.
 
As the feelings grew and intensified, thoughts of “you’re not enough” or anything else laced with pure judgment would sweep my mind whenever I didn’t do or say something the way my growing perfectionist had expected of me.  
 
Fortunately, there was also that loving and compassionate part of me who recognized that I did not deserve to treat myself, of all people, in such a way. Over time, with lots of support and help, I started to rewire my brain for positivity.
 
Part of that process involved mindfulness, where I learned how to be more in the moment and really listen to my thoughts. Whenever I would catch myself berating my actions or saying the most critical things, I developed a phrase to gently combat those thoughts.
 
You are enough.
 
The simple 3-word message is still on repeat, even today, whenever my perfectionist tries to   hold me to the highest standard. I gently tell her that it’s okay, that I’ve got this, and that I do not need her to take such tough care of me anymore. 
 
This, is an affirmation. This is my affirmation. Every day. 
 
Creating your own affirmation starts with listening to your thought reel. What’s going on in that mind of yours? Pay attention to your thoughts—the sneaky little critical voice that is really trying to keep you at your best so that you show up in the world as your most dazzling self. The thing is, by responding gently back to that critical voice, you will be showing her that you too, just like me, have got this, and that you do not need her to take such strong care of you. 
 
As you listen, you will hear the message loud and clear that is on repeat. You can then turn that nagging thought into something more positive and loving. It will feel like a total LIE in the beginning as you try replacing the negative thought with the more kind one.

But over time, as you get in the habit of checking your perfectionista, the less you will find she talks to you. 

It's time to take inventory of your tribe

Who are the people who make up your tribe? Maybe you’ve got a handsome guy in your life, family members, friends?

Whoever your people are, take a quick inventory and ask yourself the following questions:

Do they build you up?
Do they make you want to be the best version of yourself?
Do they inspire you by how they live their own lives? 

If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you’ve got yourself one heck of a tribe! For any person in your life who you answered no, don’t worry, I got you. 

We want the people we interact with on a daily basis to bring out our best selves. We want to feel good when we are around them, and we want to walk away feeling inspired and energized from being in their presence. A few years back, I had a friend who was like family. We hung out together all the time, got along great and were always there for each other. But then, some time went by, we both traveled, and eventually we grew apart. When we came back, the things around us were the same, but we were not. Our friendship had changed. I suddenly found that my answer was ‘no’ to all those questions above when I thought about my friendship with this particular friend. Knowing that I cannot change other people, I gradually let her go. Was there ever a hard conversation around it? No. We simply went our separate ways. To this day we have a very amicable and friendly surface level relationship which I think we are both okay with. We can look back on the days when we were attached at the hip with fondness and good laughs, but also honor where we are in our lives today, separately.

I’m sharing this with you because there might be some people in your life who you are realizing you are having a similar disconnect with. I want to remind you to give yourself permission to let these people go if you know deep down this is not a positive relationship. I have experienced this before with very close family members as well. There are some people who I have distanced myself from completely because of the toxicity. There are others who I see at gatherings only. The point is, it is a two-way street, and if on your side of the street you are feeling discouraged and drained, then it might be time to turn a corner and say goodbye once and for all. 

Hopefully, you likely will not have many, if any, people in your life who you need to set such hard boundaries with.  More than likely, you have a few people you can think of who you are wishing you had stronger, more enriching relationships with. 

The best thing you can do is look at the qualities in them that you love and appreciate and gravitate towards those. What kinds of situations bring out the best in them?  When are they displaying the qualities you love? Those are the kinds of settings to meet them in. Get clear on what circumstances bring out the qualities in them you wish to avoid. Create distance when it comes to those specific circumstances. In other words, stay away from them in those instances.

If we want to have a resounding ‘yes’ for all three of those questions when it comes to our tribe, we have to identify what it is that we are wanting from our tribe in the first place. What kind of qualities do we want to see in our people?

Are you living those very qualities out in your own life? In many ways, this all breaks down to the law of attraction.

You attract what you choose to focus on. If you want to be around other passionate, energetic people, you have to create more passion and energy within yourself. I know this might come off as such a simple idea, but we both know it is the furthest from it. These are the specific things I work on with my clients, and they take time. But it does work. It absolutely works.

3 Steps to Uncovering Your Limiting Beliefs

I want to let you in on one of my top coaching secrets. It's part mindfulness, part strategy, and part truth or dare. And it's my favorite tool to find out what the heck is holding us back.

Let me walk you through how to do it with one of my own personal examples that happened to me just yesterday. It started like this:

Eating well is so hard.
 
The thought came to me early in the morning as I was about to start my day. Strange. I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t done anything yet, but slightly roll over in bed. 
 
Sneaky little thought.
 
Had I not recognized it, here’s a likely scenario that may have followed:

1. Hit the snooze button.
2. Skip workout.
3. Eat foods that do not make me feel my best.
4. Become lethargic and tired.

Fortunately, this little scenario did not play out because I noticed the thought just in time. 

This here is a limiting belief—an idea we BELIEVE TO BE true that ultimately holds us back.

Most of the time we do not even know the thought is there. 
 
So how do we not get caught up in the cycle of our limiting beliefs?

Here's where mindfulness comes in:

1. start BY paying attention to Your thoughts. 

I recommend doing it for 3 days and keeping a log in a notebook or journal [cue strategy]. Make a 3-column chart. In the top left, write “belief,” in the middle, write “true/false,” and in the right column write “new belief.” As you notice the beliefs, record them in the “belief” column and then ask yourself, is this belief true or false? In my scenario above, the belief, “eating well is so hard” is false. It really isn’t so hard. Sure, it’s not the easiest thing to do at first, but really, when it comes down to it, it just takes some practice. [It's truth time!] In the final column, I would rewrite the belief as something I would like to think instead. So for example, my new belief might be, “eating well is a healthy daily practice” or “eating well feels good.” 

2. Ask yourself, "how true is it?"

Sometimes we have held certain limiting beliefs for so long that they feel absolutely true to us. So after you deem a belief to be true, be sure you are really considering how true it is. We have to also check in with ourselves how the belief makes us feel. So for example, a limiting belief a client of mine had about her current relationship was that she “can’t fully trust him.” This belief rang very true for her in a former relationship, so it felt scary to abandon it now. It had been protecting her from getting hurt in her current relationship. But it was also keeping her from experiencing all the joy that comes with it. If you don’t go all in, you can’t receive the good (and the bad) that may come with it. So in this example, the belief was making her feel protected, which is why it was there and why she believed it to be true for so long. However, recognizing that the belief was limiting and that it was holding her back allowed her to start rephrasing the belief in her mind when it would pop up. She would rephrase it to, “trusting someone I love and care about is healthy for me.”

3. Anticipate the discomfort of the new belief.

Disclaimer: when we rewrite the script of a limiting belief it can feel like a lie. It takes time to believe the new idea. Know that this is the real work that requires a lot of practice and patience to change old thinking that just doesn’t serve us well.

Try it ON. 

Pay attention to your thoughts. Do the journaling activity. Rewrite and tell yourself the new belief you choose to believe instead. Do it for 3 days.

After you're finished, I'd love to hear the limiting belief that’s been on your thought reel and the new truth you choose to hold instead.  Find me over on Instagram and tell me about it!  

Are you in?