The #1 Phrase That Will Stop Your Meltdown

It's time for some real talk.

I had a meltdown the other day.

The grown up woman, fiery tantrum kind of meltdown.

It happened while I was getting ready to go out with my husband.

The thoughts went something like this:

I have nothing to wear.
I hate my clothes.
Shoot, these shorts don't fit. 

And they kept on coming…

It took me over 30 minutes to get ready because of the pity party I was having in my head.

Once I finally settled on something to wear, I realized how silly it was to be in my head like that, but it wasn't until the next day that it really hit me.

I was listening to a podcast with Marie Forleo, where she shared a beautiful quote by Neale Donald.

“Struggle ends when gratitude begins.”

I thought back to my meltdown with my clothes and suddenly thought back to the statements I had said in my mind while getting ready.

"I have no clothes." Oh yes, love, you have lots of clothes.
"I have nothing to wear." You have an entire closet filled with beautiful clothing.

I could keep going on and on. I thought about how fortunate I am to have so many things to choose from when I get ready.

The next day while getting ready, my entire energy had shifted as I thought about the quote. When I felt myself feel disappointed about the clothing options in my closet, I instead thought about how grateful I am to have a home with a closet that is filled with clothes that I have purchased with my hard-earned dollars. I thought about how grateful I am to have a healthy body to dress my clothes in. 

These words can be applied to more meaningful events than clothing. Moments when we are in suffering, hurting, or are in a state of sadness we can come back to what we feel grateful for. We can think about what we love in our current moment.

I now think of these words and try to apply them to other areas of my life where I feel a kind of struggle playing out. I gently remind myself what I am grateful for in those challenging moments. And friends, it is really making a difference in how I am feeling. I sure hope you'll do the same.

P.S. Want a cute print of this quote in your space as a reminder!? I made you a super quick downloadable. Click here to get your copy!

How to Implement Self-Care Now

When you think about your self-care, what immediately comes to mind?

Brushing your teeth?
Washing your face?
Doing your hair, makeup?

As adults we understand the importance of basic self-care. 

Going to the doctor regularly, showering, getting enough sleep-- we know how important these daily habits are to not only our health, but our well-being too.  

Self-care is of course these daily rituals and routines of good hygiene. But it is also much more than that.

It encompasses those little moments throughout the day when you take time out just for you. It's you creating intentional moments where you are honoring your worth and giving yourself profound care. It could be a hot shower in the morning and really noticing the warmth of the water as it hits your body. Maybe it’s a fun salsa class with a friend after a long day of work. It might be a hot cup of tea in the morning or reading your favorite book at night before bed. Maybe it's taking a stroll with your love and stopping to enjoy a cup of frozen-kefir (if you haven't tried it, do it! So good.) Self-care looks like any and all of these mini-moments of you loving on you. 

Think about all the times you’ve decided to skip your self-care. 

Maybe there just wasn’t enough time to squeeze that workout in or meditate for 5 minutes or take a full lunch break. What happens when there’s not enough time? You push through whatever commitments you have. You keep going and doing, going and doing. You create a habit and daily routine of NOT prioritizing you, NOT prioritizing your self-care. You start to feel drained, exhausted, and completely wiped. You become frustrated and feel sad too, that you are not living your life as you truly intend for yourself.

So what's a girl to do? 

1. Recognize how you are spending your time. What can you start saying NO to? This is a big one. Set up some personal boundaries to create space for your self-care. 

2. Start small, then gradually go big! What small step towards prioritizing your self-care can you immediately start doing? What is one thing you would like to do for yourself that doesn't require a lot of planning? 

3. Do it! Yes, love, do that one self-care thing. Today. Write it in your schedule. Do not let anything else get in the way. 

By creating daily rituals and routines around self-care, you are making a bold statement that it’s okay to take time out for you. Your modeling of this in your own life serves as a beautiful reminder to the people around you to do the same. 

What bold statement do you want your self-care to communicate?  

5 Tips for Creating an Energizing Daily Routine

For years, I had a daily routine that completely zapped my energy.

For starters, I was waking up at 5am. 
With all my great intentions to start the day off on a positive note, I was really just going through the motions.

Roll out of bed.
Put workout clothes on.
Drive to gym.
Exercise. 
Shower.
Eat breakfast on the go.
Work.
Work.
And more work.
Drive home.
Make dinner.
Work.
Sleep.

Nowhere in that routine was real, authentic time for myself.

Even my attempt to start the day off with some exercise did not feel like loving, nourishing time for myself because hello, 5am! I was tired.

Weeknights I had zero energy to talk with my friends or even stay awake long enough to get through a movie with my husband. By Friday, while most of my friends were kicking off the weekend with happy hour, I was grateful for a night in where I could get to bed early and actually sleep in the following day.

I get it. I know you’re tired love.

I remember the feeling of complete energy depletion, but I also know that it doesn’t have to be this way. There are some very helpful things you can do (some right now, and some over time) that will greatly improve your overall quality of life and energy levels.

Here are my top tips to help you get started:

1.  Know your options. For starters, we have to recognize what we have control over. It can feel like we are stuck in the routine we presently have and that there are no other options. However, if you really take an honest look at your day, you will likely see how you are making choices throughout the day that are ultimately leading to your feelings of energy depletion. Are you saying yes to everything asked of you? Are you choosing to do more work than required? We have to get honest with ourselves and evaluate the options that are presented to us throughout the day and how our choices effect us. Doing so will help you see how you can start saying no and setting some personal boundaries to create more time for you.

2. Radically accept. It’s a term I learned years ago when I read Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach. The idea behind it is that you choose to radically accept what is outside of your control. When it comes to your current daily routine, there may be circumstances that really are outside of your control right now. It could be caring for others, or possibly the realization that your career may not provide you with the freedom you really crave for your life. Whatever your things are, imagine yourself embracing them just as they are, without trying to change or fix them. And while you are at, give yourself some compassion for doing so.

3. Say your mantras honey. I sometimes forget how incredibly helpful mantras are. Mantras help us get in the right headspace. When we are tired and feeling drained, our self-talk becomes more critical than ever in giving us a boost. Some of my favorites are: I create all the love and positivity I need. I take care of my mind, body, and heart. My body deserves rest.

4. Restart how you start. How are you starting your day? Is it anything like my former daily routine? If so, join me in restarting how you start your day. If we start our day in a rush, that energy is likely going to carry on with us throughout the day. Create a short, simple routine that helps you pause and slow things down a bit so that you can check in with yourself and create some intentions for how you want to be throughout your day. Identify 1-3 things you wish you were doing first thing in the morning and then figure out a way to work them in. It can be as simple as stating a few things you are grateful for, or writing out a few intention words to help ground you for the day.

5. Infuse love. This one is my absolute favorite. Many times we are left feeling low about our daily routine because we realize we simply aren’t doing anything for ourselves. This is where I want you to make yourself a priority. What do you love to do? What do you want to do? Spend a few moments after reading this to really give yourself permission to write out the things you wish you could do during the day. Maybe it would just light you up to be able to go home after work and completely unwind. What do you need to say no to in order to make this happen? Or maybe you want to have the energy to read a book at night? Again, what do you have to stop doing to make the space for this? The idea is to give yourself permission to get all your wants down on paper, and then get really honest with yourself about how you can make it happen.

In the words of one of my favorite online mentors Marie Forleo, “everything is figureoutable!” Trust yourself. You’ve got this. One of the things I always try to remember is that life is so short. We only get one shot at all this, so why go through the motions of life tired, drained, or unhappy? We deserve to live our best days. You deserve to live your best days. If something doesn’t feel right, remember you are a woman who figures things out. You can change it.

7 Steps to Start Fostering Love Now

It's May. And that means it is also National Foster Care Month. 

Foster care holds a very special place in my heart because I myself was a foster child from the time I was 13. Each family I lived with had their own way of doing things, and I learned very quickly how to adapt, not stand out, blend in, and acclimate to my new families. I also learned early on how to be my own advocate, how to take care of myself, save money, and become my own support system. There were moments in each home I felt glimpses of nurture and love, and there were often many times I felt like an imposter, like someone who did not really belong.

The greatest thing I learned being in foster care was ultimately that I am somebody who can stand tall on my own two feet despite the challenges life tossed along the way. I learned that I can have the kind of life I want and crave for myself by believing in it enough and paving a way to make it happen. I also learned that all the stability and love I need, I ultimately provide for myself.

When you look up the word "foster," it means to encourage or promote the development of. Throughout May, as we recognize National Foster Care Month, I ask that you join me in fostering love. Whichever aligns best with where you are at in your life right now, here are some ideas to help you get started so you too can foster love this month:

1. YOU. Yes, you! Foster yourself. We are our best selves when we nourish and love from within, first and foremost. What is one think you can encourage, or support the development of within yourself this month?

2. A child. Whether it's working with a child one-on-one to facilitate their growth and learning, volunteering in some way to give back to kids (my favorite organization is CASA), or the BIG one- actually fostering a child if you have the means and are in a place in your life where it feels right.

3. Those who are experiencing mental health conditions. National Mental Health Awareness month also happens to fall in May. It's a great time to pledge solidarity with friends, family, and even strangers who are living through tough challenges with mental health. The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers a ton of ways you can show your support and that you are #IntoMentalHealth.

4. Animals. Because they need love too! Check your local area for fostering opportunities with pets. I have several friends who fostered pups before adopting them. If allergies aren't a problem, and you have loads of love (and patience!) to share with an animal friend, this could be for you!

5. Plants. By far the simplest way we can support the development of another living thing is by taking care of plants. They are also one of the best reminders to care for ourselves (hey, we need sunshine and water too!)

6. Your community. From recycling to picking up the trash along your street, there are tons of ways you can chip in around where you live. It could even be as simple as joining Next Door, an online social community, where you can make the town you live in a better (and safer) place!

7. Those who need our help! From people living with intellectual and developmental disabilities to those who are homeless, there are many ways we can help. Find an organization in your area that speaks to the cause you are most passionate about and get involved. My favorites are Best Buddies and local soup kitchens.

So, are you in? Will you be joining me this month in fostering love? If you're on Instagram, share your efforts by posting your pictures using the hashtag #fosterlove. Please let me know if you have other ideas for fostering love that are not on my list by replying to me here, or leaving a comment over on Instagram. 

When It's Time to Let Go of a Friendship

I have a really good friend. 

A friend who I love with every ounce of my heart. She is positive, witty and fun, smart, caring, and understanding. We’ve been friends for years and have so much in common. We like the same things, laugh at the same things. Hopefully you know exactly what I’m talking about because you have this kind of friend too.

Here’s where it gets tough to talk about though. This friend, for as amazing as she is, has also let me down a lot over the last year. She doesn’t call like she used to. She backs out of our get-togethers often. She seems to not have time for me like she used to. 

I’ve tried on my end to reach out, to understand what may be coming up for her in her own life that might be getting in the way. I’ve considered what I might be doing or not doing that could be pushing her away. Is it me? Is there something she is distancing herself from? I could keep going on with every possibility I’ve considered as to why it feels like I’m losing one of my best friends. 

Maybe at this point you might be wondering if I have asked her directly what’s going on. And the answer is yes. There have been multiple times where something personal has been going on in her life that has prevented her from being there. But at what point do you have to wonder if she’s being totally honest with you about it? If she really is busy or going through that really personal thing or just can’t make it this time. At what point do you have to get really honest with yourself and say how much longer am I going to allow myself to be hurt by this friend?

This is the tough question. At what point is it time to let go? How do you let go when it is someone you really care about?

I’ve been avoiding this question. And avoidance is usually the number one indicator that something is wrong. (Anyone else with me in totally avoiding the things we oftentimes know we must do?)

It’s time, guys. I know this friendship needs my attention. I have to take care of me. I love this friend dearly, and by no means am I cutting her out of my life, but I know that I have to stop expecting so much from her. I will continue to be there for her when she needs me, but I will stop setting myself up for disappointment by thinking she will come through. I will take what this friend is willing to offer me in terms of a friendship and expect nothing more. I will celebrate when we are together and enjoy my time with her. But I will not allow myself to get hurt by my own expectations of her being the friend I used to know. That friend has changed, and that’s okay, because I’ve changed too. We grow up, and we change. If we can grow up and change together, that is the ideal, but both people have to fully open themselves up to growing and changing together. One person all in just doesn’t cut it.    

Maybe you can relate? Is there a friend in your life currently, or from your past, who you’ve had to let go of? I think we can give ourselves a little compassion in knowing that this is part of the journey and process of change and time doing its thing.

These experiences make me feel grateful for the people in my life who do continuously show up and meet me in the middle. These are the people who I want to pull even closer into my life. 

Letting go is no easy thing. Recognizing the part of us that is hurt and saddened by the loss of the friendship, we can begin to heal without any anger or resentment. Instead we hold a space of love for what once was while simultaneously moving forward.