The Real Reason You Need a Morning Routine

It’s easy to go through the motions. I get it. I used to go through them quite rapidly myself, zombie-like (literally, from waking up at 5am daily) and moving from task to task, only to end the day completely tired and wiped out.

Shifting from this place of constant movement meant one thing—slowing down.

It was not easy at first. Initially, I would have told you that I had zero moments of time that were purely mine at work. I was a 5th grade teacher, and any educator can tell you that time solo is not really part of our vocabulary! However, when I sat back and really thought about how I was spending my time, I realized that I could free up some moments just for myself. 

I started small. I looked for the little pockets of time that were purely mine and I decided to use them intentionally. My plan? When I got to work, I made sure I closed my door, and set aside 5-10 minutes of quiet time by myself, uninterrupted, so that I could take a few mindful moments to appreciate my life, set some intentions for the day, and get in the right headspace not only for me, but for my students and colleagues too. For a while, I felt anti-social during those 5 minutes with my door closed. But you know what? After getting in the habit of practicing my new morning routine, I started to notice how much more at peace I felt despite the constant moving parts of my day. 

This is where the real power of a morning routine lays. It creates a space of calm. It brings our internal state to neutral, and allows our energy to shift to positive. 

There is a reason for creating the routine in the morning, too. We want to make sure we are starting our day with a habit that sets us up for success. When we do that thing, it reminds us of how we want to take care of our minds and bodies. We set ourselves up to make choices that align with self-care since we started our day lovingly and peacefully. 

Think about what happens when you stop tending to something. If you stop cleaning your house, dust will collect over time. If you stop adding wood to a campfire, it will eventually stop burning. The same is true when we are creating new habits and routines for ourselves—in order to keep them going, we have to be in a constant state of tending, otherwise they will fall apart. Choosing a regular time in the morning that you can commit to each day to get in the right headspace will help you remain in a constant state of tending. This is how all routines are built, and specifically, why morning routines are so critical.

You want to be a self-tending machine. You have to constantly work at it, and working at it means prioritizing it, no matter the hot mess, lack of time, or constant shuffle that is your life.

How to Start a Mindfulness Practice Now

Last weekend I was with my husband traveling to Portland. As the airplane was about to take off, I felt a moment of panic. I took a deep breath and grabbed my husband’s hand. I noticed the way it felt in mine, I noticed my feet on the floor and I noticed the sensation of the airplane’s wheels beneath us as they rolled and sped up. I looked out the window and noticed the buildings, the road, and the sky. I had a moment of pure noticing exactly what is, and realized that I was safe.

Mindfulness. 

I remember when I was first learning the tools and techniques for a more peaceful me, it felt foreign trying to explain to others what exactly it was—this thing called Mindfulness. Now, google the word and see how many articles and blogs pop up on it! 

This past week a client asked about it. “What’s that thing everyone is talking about? It’s like meditating. Do you think that will help me?” Oh, how mindfulness can and will help you, love.

Mindfulness is a form of meditation, and it’s my preferred way to get into the right headspace. Whether I’m feeling happy, sad, fearful, anxious, or simply going about my day doing ordinary, mundane things, it is the daily practice of presence that grounds me in my life. I know people who happily plop themselves pillows and meditate the good old way most of us probably envision, but the good news is that mindfulness can become a daily practice that is engrained in you as you go about your day, no pillow needed.

It all starts with noticing, with neutral awareness, what you are doing and when you are doing it as you hone in on your senses.

When you are walking outside on a crisp, fall day, you can notice the colorful leaves as they sway and veer slowly to the ground.

The next time you are putting lotion on your hands, notice how it gradually goes from cool to warm as you gently massage it into your skin.

When you are talking to a friend, be truly present in the conversation, noticing and hearing all that she is telling you.

As you are enjoying your morning coffee, pay attention to the warmth of the mug as you hold it in your hands and the way the coffee tastes as you drink it, sip by sip.

These moments are all just tiny examples of mindfulness meditation—a daily practice of intentional presence in your life.

The bonus for living a mindful life? Inner calm and peace, girlfriend. When you get in the habit of noticing, you are really flexing your mind muscle and staying in a place of constant gratitude for exactly what is in your life.

It's Time to Make a Scene

Have you seen the video of Gigi Hadid recently getting all badassery on some guy in Milan? If not, take a quick moment and watch it. Camera-ready, sweet-as-pie, nice-girl Gigi got tough. She got fired up and not only used her voice to tell this guy off, she got physical. She claimed her space, her body, and was not having any of it. 
 
Watching this video reminded me of a very personal, very real moment I had this summer where I had my own Gigi moment.
 
It happened so fast that it all felt like a blur. I had been out with my friends, one of whom was visiting from New York and I hadn’t seen in a while, when a guy, out of nowhere, grazed his hands over the side of my dress and pulled me right onto his lap. In the same moment, one of the friends we were with whispered in my ear not to worry, because the guy was ‘harmless’ and was a good friend. 
 
As I scooted off the guy’s lap and shifted my attention towards my friends, my thought process went something like this:
 
Who the heck does this guy think he is? Just wave your wedding ring in his face so he gets the hint. Ugh, but you haven’t seen everyone in so long--don’t make this awkward and create a scene. Just give this guy the benefit of the doubt. 
 
So, I stuck it out. I trusted what my friend said. I stayed in my people-pleasing state.
 
What ensued was another 20 minutes or so of very uncomfortable, aggressive advances by this guy.

And then it happened.

He completely crossed the line. He reached his hands out in an effort to grope my chest while announcing I had “nice tits." A real, frickin' gentleman, right ladies?
 
[Cue my New York friend.]
 
Her finger immediately shot off into his face as she fired off some very select, choice words. She told him boldly that she doesn’t care that he is friends with our friend, he has no right to treat women this way, and that she was not going to watch him talk to me or treat me disrespectfully any longer. We were leaving, even if it meant without our other friend. 
 
A wave of feelings flashed over me. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. And worst of all, shame.
 
I am a self-respecting, happily married woman. I take care of my mind, my body, and my heart. I do not let people manipulate, or walk over me. And in this moment, I felt that I had let myself down. 
 
I felt like I let my husband down. I cried to him the next morning as I told him about what happened. His love and kindness towards me reminded me that I was not responsible for this man’s actions. No, it wasn’t my sexy summer dress that warranted his behavior. No, it wasn’t being out at a bar in downtown Chicago that warranted his behavior. No, it wasn’t anything I did that warranted his behavior. His behavior was his own, and it was not right.
 
I was so concerned about being a good girl, a nice girl, and keeping the peace, that I sat through those uncomfortable 20 minutes before my friend stepped in and did something about it.
 
I was mad that it took my friend to say something before I did. I was mad at our other friend for sitting back and watching this guy disrespect me like that, for telling me he was ‘harmless.’ I was mad that I did not get fired up. I was mad that I didn’t tell him to take his drunken, gropy self home and leave me and my friends alone.

I was mad that I stayed quiet. I was mad that I didn’t make a scene.
 
But you know what? This was my Gigi moment and it taught me a life lesson that I needed to learn.
 
I learned that it is okay to ruffle feathers sometimes. 
I learned to use my voice. To speak up. To say something. To do something. 
I learned that sometimes you need to confront the people you care about, even if they are your friends.
I learned that I am responsible for me. Period.
I learned that my body is worth protecting.

I learned that I am worth fighting for, and so are you.

5 Sneaky Lies to Stop Telling Yourself

For years, the following thoughts were on repeat in my head. And for years, I had no idea I was listening to them as if they were true. Fortunately, these 5 sneaky lies are now mostly a thing of the past.

1.     Working out is so hard.

2.     Eating healthy is so hard.

I’m going to clump these two together because they go hand in hand. I remember the days I used to wake up and have these thoughts. In all fairness, they probably will creep in again at some point, because…life, but now I recognize them and pay super close attention to when they try to sneak in.

When we have a thought that something is so hard, the first thing we go to in our minds is that it is impossible and that we cannot do it. It takes too much energy so therefore we end up fulfilling the idea by not getting to work.

I remember the moment I would have these thoughts, the first thing my defeated-feeling self would think is to go on and treat myself to those yummy pancakes or skip that workout. Sure, these things are absolutely fine from time to time, but on a daily basis? No. It does not feel caring to my body to repeatedly skip out on my exercise routine or eat sugary breakfasts day in and day out. Now when I have these thoughts, I talk gently back to myself by saying, “No it is not hard. I can do this.”

3.     I hate waking up early.

I remember when my alarm used to buzz off so early that it was still dark outside. To be completely honest, I did not enjoy waking up before dawn. No way.  But when a thought as dramatic as “I hate waking up early” sneaks in, it immediately sets us up to feel dreary and down. If waking up early is something you cannot control for the time being and you find yourself thinking that you “hate it” first thing, check those thoughts because they are likely going to effect your mood before you even have the chance to start your day. A positive counter-thought might be something like, “Waking up early allows me to get a head start on my day.”

4.     I’m not good enough.

This thought still loves to find it’s way in my thoughts and it is one that I work at daily. The good news is that I know it is an outright lie. It so fear-driven and rooted from a place of self-worth and self-love. Back in my early teaching days, I would have moments where I would compare my work to other teachers and feel less than in some way. While starting my coaching practice, I deemed that I was not good enough to actually leave my career as an educator to go out on my own. But time and time again I proved to myself that these are mere lies.

I am good enough, and so are you. 

Whatever it is that your inner fear girl is trying to keep you safe from, gently remind her you are a grown up woman and that involves having confidence (even if you need to fake it) to get out there and claim your enoughness.

5.     I am so overwhelmed.

The reason this is considered a lie on my list is because “overwhelmed” is the masking word for some other deeper feeling. Overwhelmed is so general and big that it does not truly capture what is going on. I always check in to see what is actually happening by asking; where in your body do you feel the physical emotion that you are experiencing? When I have the thought that I am overwhelmed, I am really feeling worried or scared most of the time. It is great practice to start noticing how often the word pops up for you and get in the habit of really checking in to see what underlying emotion is there.

What are you sitting back and wishing for?

For years, I told myself, some day I'm going to learn to knit. It stayed a thought until finally my best friend and I signed up for a class together. Having her there with me was the little nudge I needed to actually get out there and do it. 

You might have some grander things you want to try on your list. Maybe it's turning that passion project into a career or a trip to somewhere exotic? Or it might be simpler, like taking photography classes, starting a new exercise program, or changing your hair color! Whatever it is, notice the little things that you are wanting to try, and start there.

Start small and continue to build on that list. Gradually you will prove to yourself over and over that you CAN do the things you want. Yes, you!

Next up for me? Regular dance classes. It's been on my radar after attending a hip hop class in New York with one of my besties this past spring. Ever since I've been sitting back wanting something to pop up, wishing I will find a class in Chicago annnnd watching Yanis Marshall videos in the meantime (which if you have not yet seen one, take a quick 5-minute break and check him out-- he is pure JOY.)  

So... here's to NOT sitting backing and wishing anymore.  

It's time to dance ladies.